I just experienced a new profound level of healing today through what I am calling erotic bodywork. I met an extraordinary woman whom I will call Joy through a mutual friend. We met several weeks ago over lunch where I was describing my research on sex and disability. Joy is a petite woman physically full of playfulness, flirtation and directness. I felt an immediate energetic attraction towards her from across the table. As we conversed I could full a flow of pleasurable energy begin at my genitals and slowly spread throughout my body. Although I have little physical sensation below my chest I can still feel erotic energy quite easily especially when I breathe deeply and release with a sigh. In fact anytime I feel tension in my body I use this simple technique of breath and sigh to release.
Joy is a Sexual Educator, Clinical Sexologist, and holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She brings a blend of intellectual inquiry mixed with a hands on approach to facilitating sexual healing. I could feel a strong feeling of love and acceptance emanating from her heart. I felt both safe and aroused at the same time. We agreed to meet in a few weeks and see what we could learn using both erotic energy and hands-on bodywork.
I remember feeling slightly nervous like going on a first date when she first arrived at my home. She was wearing a sexy little sundress with no bra and I couldn't help noticing her erect nipples pressing through the fabric. When I greeting her with a hug I could smell the fresh fragrance of her skin and hair. Electric energy tingled throughout my body. I also knew she had taken care of a mutual friend of ours who also is a quadriplegic. Knowing this allowed my body to relax a bit. Joy was very inquisitive about my injury, level of sensation, pain, and mobility in my body. This allowed my soma to relax even more and become at ease in her awesome presence.
We moved into my bedroom and my personal attendant helped me transfer onto the bed. As I was getting situated Joy asked me if I was comfortable with her getting naked. I was delightfully surprised by her directness and grinningly smiled "Yes". She explained that she likes to begin the session with a gentle coconut oil massage and feels most comfortable being nude when her client is also nude. As she quickly undressed I gazed at her beautiful slender body, small perky breasts with very erect nipples, and neatly trimmed pubic hair. Another wave of sexual arousal washed over me.
After helping my attendant remove my clothes and get comfortable on the bed, the door closed and we were alone. She began by holding my feet with her hands and gazed love into my eyes. She then began to walk her hands up my legs towards my pelvis. I could feel the deep pressure of her touch which helped my body relax. Then she applied some coconut oil on her hands and began massaging my legs with long sweeping strokes. She then climbed onto the bed and sat between my legs and began massaging my stomach and chest. I could see the outline of her pussy lips which excited me caused a stirring in my genital region. Slowly my cock began to swell with blood. I closed my eyes not to stare at her beautiful sexy body and try to feel the sensation of massage more fully.
She continued her oil massage on my arms, hands and chest. My hands are a bit tight and fingers curled from my spinal cord injury. As she massaged my hands and straightened my fingers, I felt a pleasurable release. A smile grew across my face as she stroked each of my fingers. As she stroked my thumb a sigh released from my throat. She asked if that felt good. I smiled explaining that I have trained my thumbs to feel erotic energy like a surrogate cock. "Oh..." she said, "we will have to play with that!" as she smiled mischievously.
Next Joy asked if she could sit behind my head to massage my head, neck and shoulders. "Oh yes" I said, "this is where I have the most tactile sensation." As she positioned herself behind me she place my head in her lap. She continued to massage my chest and shoulders which are often tight from propelling myself in my wheelchair. As my chest released I sighed in pleasure. Her deep pressure was quite ecstatic and sensually arousing. As she approached my neck where my spinal injury occurred I felt an automatic tightening happen like my body remembering to protect itself from the trauma. But then I began to relax and slowly move my head in a circular motion allowing her hands to make love to my neck and head. As my head moved in her hands I pressed it into her crotch. Then I could sense the warmth of her pussy against the back of my neck. She began to become aroused as I moved my head and I could feel her orgasm build and build and then release into my crown chakra. My head began to be receive orgasmic energy and then waves of pleasure moved down my spine. As the energy moved through me, my spine arched and I began to energetically orgasm which triggered her to climax again and again. After several rounds of blissful energy, my body slowed and relaxed surrendering into a quiet stillness.
"Wow, that was incredible!" I exclaimed. I felt so relaxed and energized. Tingling energy permeated all over my body including my pelvis and legs. I felt truly embodied. The numbness in my lower body seemed to disappear and become enlivened with this healing erotic energy. I was satisfied and still wanting more. Joy then helped me move to a seated position and crossed my legs in half lotus so she could sit on my lap facing each other. This position is typically called Yub Yum in the Tantric tradition. We began to breathe together with long deep inhales and exhaling with a deep sigh. Joy began to massage my penis with coconut oil. Erotic energy slowly filled my pelvis and my cock with blood. With each breath and sigh energy moved up my spine. I looked into her eyes with a soft gaze of love and appreciation. I then pulled her breasts against my chest feeling energy come in my heart chakra. I then experienced the energy circulate into my heart down through my body and then out my Lingam and into her Yoni.
Although there was no physical penetration I could feel a steady pleasurable flow of energy circulate between our bodies. With each breath and sigh ecstatic energy began to build. I was instinctively drawn to place my lips onto her chest and breath in energy from her heart. It was like drinking in ecstasy from a sensual fountain of love. Waves of orgasm began to build between us and my body began to undulate with pleasure. After these waves released a calm stillness came over me and she surrendered into my arms. I felt powerfully masculine and openingly receptive.
We both agreed this was a good place to complete our session. I felt full, satisfied, relaxed and extremely grateful. I believe that erotic energy is sacred, healing, and transformative. What I have experienced is truly a gift and desire for others with physical disabilities to experience as well.